2005-04-07 - 10:58 p.m.
Sometimes you just never know
That you mean something to people.
We have a delightful volunteer. Older woman (67, same age as my mom)but seems a good 10 to 15 years younger. Does yoga. Wears sandals and funky clothes. I've known her since I started in radio, at this station a good decade ago.
She grew up VERY Catholic. Married young, had seven kids. One died of cancer when she was about 14. Her mom (our volunteer) began a foundation/organization in her name.
Anyway...family politics happened, and in the end, there was the ending of a 40+ year marriage and the estrangement of 5 of 6 remaining children. I was sad for her, but knew she wouldn't take such a step lightly, and respected her for doing something so big and scary.
But I NEVER talked to her about it. Because I figured it was her beeswax, not mine, and if she wanted to tell me anything about it, she would.
So we never talked about it.
Small talk turned to large talk, and at one point I just said "I only know a little bit, because I didn't think it was my business to pry about it".
She looked at me and teared up.
"I have been so afraid you were angry with me".
At this point, she's beyond teary. She's crying, and I'm hugging her tight.
"No, no, I'm so sorry you even thought that. I didn't talk to you about it because it's none of my business. I'm so so sorry you felt that way."
She told me I made her day. She hadn't asked me about it because she was afraid her suspicions were right, and she didn't want to deal with that.
I mean. The fact that I mattered to her in that way. It boggles my mind. Really. She said "it might sound silly to you, but when your own kids won't talk to you, it's not much of a leap to think friends will think you're all wrong as well".
She then went on to say how she remembered when I first started at the station when I was "a kid" (OK, 22...which seems like a kid now...), and that she hated to think we wouldn't be on good terms.....
Anyway. I am so glad that got resolved. I had no idea anything needed to BE resolved. But it also feels good to realize "huh. I really MATTER to this person!"
We just never know, do we?
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