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| 2003-06-18 - 6:16 p.m.
dieting whines
OK..I can see how eating disordered thinking can work. And I can see how computers and web sites can make an obsessive person tip right on over the edge. Husband tells me he got a $50 gift certificate to our favorite local Italian place, and would I like to have that for dinner? My first response? "OH, so many calories!" I spent most of the day willing myself NOT to eat the Krispy Kremes that had appeared in the break room. I am happy to report, I did not. Good thing, too, as it turns out. I've been keeping track of my input and output at fitday.com. I love it. Pie charts (mmmm....pie), graphs, the whole nine. So every day, I obsessively record what I eat, and how much I exercise, then I check my report to see if my input is less than output (it is). But it's weird...it's like there's a little part of me that is afraid Something Terrible Will Happen if I go over my calories burned total. Do 35 year old woman develop anorexia? Oh well...I have a long way to go before it's a problem.... But I can see where the downfall will come. I'm ALWAYS hungry. I am being SO careful to eat fewer calories (and screw the whole carb/fat/whatever deal....I'm just looking at the total calories, the way they did in the olden days....it's easier for me to keep track of), but I am CONSTANTLY hungry. So while right now I'm able to drink more water, or have some V-8, or grab a couple of hunks of string cheese, the day will come when my resolve is low and I say "fuckit" and eat a whole box of Milano cookies. And being the perfectionist freakazoid that I am, I will conclude that since I was Not Perfect and ate those cookies, therefore I should just screw the whole careful eating thing and eat a bag of cookies a day, because, after all, why bother,since I messed up once, therefore negating all the good I might have done. Oh, and please pass the ice cream. I know. CERTIFIABLE. So D sent me home early (we seem to have an informal agreement going...but it's cool...we're looking out for each other and helping each other out), and I hit the bike trail. Decided to go a different way, as circling the golf course was getting boring. As I was getting started, I came upon thre women on the path. They were spread all over (at this point, the path is MAYBE 5 feet wide) and they were moving slower than a mosey. I mean, if I were moving this slow, I would be standing still. So I slowed down, and called out "On your right". Which of course caused one member of the party to MOVE right. Finally, one of them said "Deb, look out". I smiled, pedaled through them and said "excuse me". And the one who had to be told to move by her friends said "well if she woulda opened up her MOUTH. How should we know someone's there?" OK, I DID call out. But why be so hostile? If it had been ME in her position, I would have said "OH, sorry!" Not "well if you woudda opened yer mouth". Yeah, yeah, I'm hostile HERE, but IRL, no. For crying out loud, I said EXCUSE ME on the BIKE PATH! So anyway...I pedaled along a new part of the path, and went quite far...and think I may have seen something illicit going on. Whatever. People are so stupid and tacky sometimes. I really do have to get me some mace or pepper spray, however. I'll feel better. Now I am sweaty and starving...gonna hop in the shower before Husband arrives with food. Exercise done today: 7.5 miles on the bike.
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