| 2002-06-06 - 8:23 p.m.
No Joy
I was just thinking about this recently. It seems my mood and demeanor is just shot to hell, during this, what should be The Happiest Time In My Life (tm). I'm letting all the bad stuff overshadow the good stuff. I am marrying a man who loves me like I never thought anyone would love me. And I adore him. And I'm spending my time being depressed and angry. That's just WRONG. Here's an excerpt from my friend J, who has been keeping in touch the past couple of days re: my work crap.....
You are beginning to worry me a bit, girl. This is the time in your life to feel strong, powerful, beautiful and loved. YOU have to feel it. If you don't, yr wasting precious resources, and may never have a chance to reclaim them.
She's right, yanno. I'm pissing away the beauty and excitement. In some ways, it's my natural aversion to being center of attention. (Very NON Leo of me....) I don't talk wedding unless someone asks, when what I REALLY want to do sometimes is babble incessantly about it. Much like some people bore me with details of their children's lives. But see, I don't want to bore people. So I try to pretend that I'm not just thrilled to pieces that my invitations are in and gorgeous, or that I finally found shoes, and oh, did you want to see a picture of the guys' tuxes? I DO want to revel in this, and DO want to feel princessy now and then, but I also know that most people DON'T CARE. That's why you folks get to read the details!
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