| 2002-06-05 - 10:34 p.m.
The guiltys
I just quit skating. And then I cried. I am so completely nuts. I'll miss the people on the team, and I guess I'm sad not to be a part of something anymore. But when I looked at going to practice tomorrow, after 8 weeks off, I felt dread, not excitement. When I looked ahead to another season, same thing. And that's not fair to the team, if I can't give it the dedication it deserves. Right? RIGHT? I sent the coach an email saying that with work so crazy and the wedding coming up, I just didn't have it in me, and that I hope there were no hard feelings. I s'pose I can always go back. Meantine, I'm thinking I'll take the adult classes and see if I can work on my own skills, which are sorely in need of some attention. In other news, I talked with the volunteer who was concerned about Sunday evening, and I was right on the money when I guessed what she was concerned about. Bless her, she was going out of her way to NOT get him into trouble, and not say "he came back stoned to the gills". She finally said "well, maybe this is something that just needs to be watched." I said it before and I'll say it again....it's a personal choice, smoking the wackus weedus, but I DO have a problem with it at work. As do the feds. I'm pretty sure there's some law about being intoxicated and being in control of a broadcast facility. Let's see...what else? I marched into Big Boss' office this morning and said I needed to talk with him. After staff he found me and I pretty much said "I had a conversation with #2 yesterday that left me livid", and related my story about the whole liason thing. I ended it with "what kinds of games are being played here?" He shared his own fiasco with her from the morning, and assured me that there were no games, and that he considered me an integral and vital part of the station, part of "the inner circle". I say, yay for me for having the balls to march in and ask WTF is going on. The more I think back on my conversation with #2, and the more I reflect on an email I had with J, the more I think #2 is trying to set things up so Big Boss and I have a falling out. She tries to keep people from him. I think it bothers her that he likes and respects me. She told me when I first came back to the station (I was a part timer here 10 years ago and came back...eep...four years ago) that she didn't want me there and was prepared to not like me because she thought Big Boss and I had had a "thing". Yikes o rama. Nope, no thing, we just "get" each other. So. I just need to not fall for her sweet talk. Back to the skating...can someone PLEASE tell me why I feel so guilty? I agonized and agonized over this decision. It was easier to tell Beloved that yes, I would marry him!
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