2006-05-16 - 11:39 p.m.
Crabby and Ravenous
Yeah. PMS week. Wheee! At least I have fewer of those since the dr ok'd me taking up to three packs of pills in a row.
Crabby. Yeah. Husband and I are kind of going round and round about the New York Reunion this summer. I really want to go. Even MORE so after seeing part of the Long Island Contingent at the funeral last week. Yes. Money is tight. Yes. We do have debt. Will money ever NOT be tight? No. Will we ever NOT have debt? No. Are we putting away for retirement? Yes. Are we buying groceries on credit cards? No. Are we ever late on what I call The Biggies: Mortgage, car, utilities? No.
Did I just get an unofficial Decent Raise? (meaning the verbal offer has been made, nothing on paper) Yes. And with that raise, the "hardly noticeable" difference in our salaries is Noticable. And there's a part of me that's pissed off about it. Riddle me that, Batman. At various times in my parents' marriage, including when they GOT married, my mom made more than my dad.
But there's a part of me that's like "dangit, the majority of the burden is STILL on me". Which is so unfair. Make no mistake...Husband would be loading packages at FedEx or working at Home Depot if need be and he (god forbid) lost his job. He'd work, for sure, and with no prodding on my part. But I'm kind of pissed that A: I work in non profit and make more than he, and B: he's been in his profession for almost THIRTY YEARS to my fifteen. And really...I've about topped out. To the extent that we're stuck here, because I'm not going to get a job elswhere with a big enough bump to justify moving to a place with a higher cost of living, which is...oh...anyplace.
So I start to feel pissy when he starts his "we can't afford it" stuff. And I don't know why. Perhaps something for the shrink next time. But I sell shit on ebay for extra money. I'm making a third more than I made when I took this job almost 8 years ago. I found us a gym that cost HALF as much as the old gym. I cut our phone bill by 25 bucks a month by going to Vonage. If there is a travel deal to be found, I find it. I guess I feel like I'm doing my part to bring it in, and I feel like it's an accusation or something when he does his money whine.
Currently, the money all goes in one pot, though we each have our own accounts. Mine usually has about 50 bucks in it. I guess I can start saving more in "my" money. I cannot have one of those relationships where it's "ok, you owe me half the mortgage, but you paid the cable bill, so never mind. But I DID buy dinner the other night, so you owe me for that". Can't. Works for some, not for me. But I CAN squirrel more away.
So part of me feels pissy, part of me feels whiny and demanding, because, well, the trip will cost a grand, no matter how we slice it. And a grand IS a grand.
I hate PMS.
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