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I Read These: loriville

Who ARE these people?

2005-06-23 - 10:03 p.m.
Waffle House

There are always lessons to be learned. My usual lesson involves patience. And I am trying to learn. Really.

Husband needs to learn lessons about not overthinking every freaking decision to the point of total indecision and inaction.

He's not paying attention, however.

I swear to god, if he hadn't met up with his ex, he would still be living in his first bachelor apartment. And if not for me, he'd be in that stupid house he bought from her. I've never in my life seen someone so afraid of making the wrong decision that he makes no decision.

Which, newsflash, IS a decision.

Huh. I guess I am a little irritated with him. More than I thought.

I want him to express an opinion. To actually SAY OUT LOUD "I want this". No. He hems and haws and waffles. "I don't want to make an offer on the house and then regret it. But I don't want to lose the house and regret it". AAAAAAGGGGGHHH.

While he loves living the Waffle House, I frickin' need decisions. I need direction. I need to know where I am going and where I should set my goals.

I am annoyed. I am so irritated that every change we make, every new thing we try, is something I suggest, push, arrange for. Am I really that pushy? Because I am starting to feel like all I do is steamroll. "We need to fix the ceiling downstairs" "Whine, whine, overthink overthink, doubt, doubt" Those appear to be our roles....I pull, he digs in his heels. Eventually, I prevail, and he is happy with the results. Why can't we skip the painful middle portion?

I think I am tired of this dynamic. Of course, if anything is going to be discussed, I will have to bring it up. And force discussion. And force resolution.

I can't force him to make an offer on this house. I won't. frankly, his excuses on this one are lame ass. I did mortgage calculations for different amounts, and while the house payment would be higher, it's still less than rent. For a 2800 square foot house. In a historic district. "What if the furnace breaks"? What if it does? Our ten year old furnace crapped out the day after Thanksgiving. We dealt with it. "what if what if what if"? Jesus.

Maybe I'm not being understanding.

The whole house hunt thing was sudden. Not how he had envisioned. And we've only looked at two houses.

My reply to this is "So?" I mean, really. Is there some minimum amount of houses you should look at? Where is that written down?

Maybe I make decisions too easily. I walk into a furniture store looking for a couch and say "that one", and I'm done. And you know what? IT IS OK. The couch is great. It's just as good as a couch I would have chosen after five stores and three revisits. I chose my wedding dress on the first day out. Good god people, just fricken' make a decision and MOVE ON.

I am a horrible wife, aren't I? Not understanding, or patient, or any of that good stuff. I'm being mean and demanding.

And it's not that I even necessarily want him to AGREE with me about the house. I just want him to make a freakin' decision. The last house, which was in MUCH worse shape and in a worse neighborhood, he didn't have trouble saying "NO WAY" to on the second visit. I think he LIKES this one, which is making the decision process even more EXCRUCIATING.

For both of us.

I just don't have the patience for this. If I need to be packing shit up and getting ready to put the sign in the yard, I need to know this ASAP.

What I should do is let it be. If he's going to waffle us outta this house then maybe that's a lesson he needs to learn.

Oh...and a newsflash on the house. Saw our agent this morning. He said after we left the showing, the owner "accosted" him. "what, was she hiding in the bushes?" Turns out she was on the porch across the street with the neighbors. Anyway, according to our agent, she started telling him "things she shouldn't be telling potential buyers' agents". Like, how eager they are to sell because the husband is already in the new house in the new city. Like, how they've "never had any trouble with the furnace, but if that's something we need to deal with to sell the house....." Our agent concluded with "so maybe that offer we thought would be insulting would actually be a good starting place".

But when the universe tells Husband something, he really needs it to be applied with a fricking sledge hammer. Because he just doesn't grasp nuance.

3 comments so far
radiogurl - 2005-06-24 00:34:22
Since when is it a crime to find what you like right away and go for it???
LA - 2005-06-24 08:29:17
Did you choose your Hubs right off the rack on your first trip to the 'store'? If so then you should point that out. Smile sweetly and remind him you have impecable judgment, he needs to trust your instincts and to stay out of the way. Then YOU make an offer and negotiate the deal. He'll come around. I know you'd like the two of you to always make 'joint' decisions, but he's the way he is. Waiting around for him to agonize through 11,000 'what ifs' isn't a joint decision, it's handing him the power and asking for his permission. So what if the idea of buying a new house is abrupt? Lots of things in life happen abruptly. Winning the Lotto, getting struck by lightning, falling in love. We looked at 3 other places before making an offer on the Hobbit House. Didn't need to traipse up and down the Hudson Valley looking at every shack, the house was what we wanted, where we wanted it and was affordable. Tell him you love him, that you appreciate, but he married a wild mustang and must deal with your 'capricious' ways. Go buy the house, sweetie. ~LA
Kim - 2005-06-24 10:51:05
Um, our house was the second we looked at. Just like everything else, you can't predict how many it takes to find the right one. That goes for men and houses ;) There's no way to prepare for off-the-wall questions though. My suggestion is short answers. While you can address the furnace issue ("we get a new one"), if he asks you "What happens if I enter the doorway and a ghost greets me at the door?", say "Say hello". Have you thought about having a new furnace installed as a contingency on the sale?
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