2005-01-23 - 2:13 p.m.
If you've seen my motivation, will you bring it back to me?
OK, this weekend, if I've gone horizontal, I've gone to sleep. Part of me wants to fight it, part of me thinks, if this is what the bod needs, then let the bod have it.
We had another big snowfall overnight Friday. Nowhere near the end of the world they were predicting, but still pretty bad. Bad enough that it was ok to consider yourself snowed in if you REALLY didn't need to go anywhere. So I slept till 10:30, got dressed around 1, and Husband and I went sledding.
Sledding is MUCH MUCH harder now than it was when I was 10. Man, if I had kids, I would send 'em out to sled for about 3 hours every day....they'd come back ready for sleep for sure. I think we managed half an hour. Got home, put on dry clothes, snuggled on couch. Fell asleep. For like 2 hours. Husband made lunch AND dinner. And breakfast today.
Got up at a reasonable hour today, forced myself to shower (why is showering such a HUGE deal for me on the weekends?) Husband made pancakes. We watched some TV. Husband went out to run a small errand, I fell asleep while watching my Nazi show on PBS. Hello? I'd only been awake five hours. I'm sure there will be another nap in my future today. Though I plan to get a meatloaf ready to pop in the oven while I go to skating practice, so dinner will be done when I get back.
I look around this house, and see so much to do. DUST everywhere. The bathroom needs a good hosing down. And I just don't have the gumption to do it. I'm.....just....so....tired......
I don't think the fatigue is depression, but I don't know....I'm taking my meds, I'm in therapy, I really DO feel like I have a better handle on things. But my motivation in the home is lacking. I don't want to stay in, necessarily, but I don't feel like doing anything, either. This place should be shiny like a new dime, given the time I've had the last two weekends, and instead it's drifting toward "How Clean is Your House?" territory. I'm close to overwhelmed by it.
OK. That's not really so. I would NOT die of embarassment if my mother showed up right now. Unless she used the loo. But I just don't have the drive to give that extra umph...there are pictures to be hung, for pete's sake, that have needed to be hung for ages. Our bedroom looks like the closet exploded, and the buffet is (as usual) covered in mail.
And if anyone has a good tip for handling the mail, let me know, willya? I expect to be found dead under a collasped pile of junk mail any time now.
So. While there is a buttload of snow out there now, at least the sun is shining, and I am noticing the daylight lasting a tich longer each evening. Thank dawg.
But my motivation....I need it. I have THREE reasons to get my ass moving and in better shape...20th high school reunion this summer, family reunion with the Glen Cove relatives who are very VERY Eastern in their thinness and haven't seen me since forever....so who wants to be remembered as the fat rube from the midwest? (the city Men's Health calls "Dumbest in America". yay us) And finally, Husband and I are going on a cruise in December. All far enough in the future that I could be looking decent if I were just a person of strong enough character to get with the program. Any program. Back in spin class, back in yoga. Back with the weights.
But no, I am a lazy ass who must go nap again.
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