| 2004-09-16 - 10:27 a.m.
It's not what I'm eating, it's what's eating me....
I start every day with the best intentions. I have my Special K with soy milk and artificial sweetener. MOST days, I even stay on track with a good lunch from Subway or a salad with low cal dressing. But also most days, the wheels come off when I get home. I eat too much dinner. I snack. I have ice cream. The other night, I ate a THIRD of a box of graham crackers. (OK, they were low fat, but still....) And lately, I've been having that donut that's in the conference room, or getting cookies from the vending machine. Today there is homemade cake, and I WILL have some. We haven't been to the Y in a month. I don't ride. I don't walk. I've put on 13 pounds. Why am I doing this to myself? What is going on? How could I have been SO diligent for so long (longer than a freaking YEAR) and be such a miserable failure now? I feel this insatiable hunger gnawing at me. Eating is calming. It's sensual. The feel of the food (oh god, does anything feel better to eat than ice cream????), the taste, it's like I can feel little chemicals firing off in my brain....Bing bing bing bing....ahhhhhh. I've read my Dr. Phil book twice. I've talked to my shrink. I'm a member of Weight Watchers. Every damn day I start out with a new day and clean slate and good intentions, and I'm torpedoed by nightfall. What flipped that switch? And how do I flip it back?
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