| 2004-05-17 - 10:25 a.m.
Fourteen thousand
This entry is nearly identical to the one made on 4/19. Hmmm. One month ago. Perhaps there is a pattern....
Yeah. FOURTEEN THOUSAND CALORIES in four pounds. The four pounds I gained last week. (yes, this is ANOTHER weight whine. If you don't want to hear it, you can move on) Can you tell me, please how someone who rode nearly 40 miles on her bike this week, DID DO four hours of cardio ( I have a heart rate monitor....I was in my target range) over the course of the week and DID NOT overeat by FOURTEEN THOUSAND CALORIES gained four pounds? Can you? Please? I mean, come the fuck ON. I know I've relaxed on the eating, but sheesh. I'm not inhaling quarts of ice cream and entire sides of beef. By my calculations, I burned about 2000 calories just in exercise. So for that four pounds, that would actually have to be SIXTEEN THOUSAND extra calories. Even I, known to be able to put away the groceries, couldn't overdo it that much. I could just cry. Or give up. And here's the thing, I'm not at anything remotely resembling a "get real weight" as Dr. Phil would say. This morning it was 206. Yes. I still weigh as much as a boxer or NFL player. I have AT LEAST 30 more to go....that would be my own goal...to fit on weight charts, well, that would require cutting off a leg. I can't just say "OK, I've been stuck in this neighborhood for months, maybe this is where my weight should stay." No. Because I am still fat. I don't understand. Really. I don't. it doesn't seem possible. Scientifically, mathematically, logically. What in the HELL is going on here? How can this be? I must have the world's slowest metabolism. I'm telling you, meth is looking good......
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