2004-03-03 - 12:22 a.m.
I just really bummed myself out
(grrrr. the ONE TIME I don't save my entry before clicking add entry, and d-land goes tits up on me)
Ahem. Where was I?
Oh. Yes, bummed out for a COMPLETLY SHALLOW REASON. So before you wanna click on comments and tell me how shallow I am, just stop, I know it.
So...what is this shallow reason I have bummed myself out?
I tried on my wedding dress.
And it was too big.
I've been wondering, with all the weight I've lost (36 pounds), how loose the dress would be on me. So, since I haven't had it cleaned, preserved, embalmed, bronzed, or sealed in its own little coffin, I thought eh, I'll try it on. It's in the cedar chest in our bedroom, wrapped in a white cotton duvet cover.
I dragged it out (damn thing must weigh 15 pounds), stripped to my skivvies, and put it on. Husband zipped me up. I rustled to the bathroom, where our only mirror is. I had Husband stand behind me and pull the loose fabric so I could see what the dress would look like if it fit.
And I stared.
And wanted to cry.
I just kept staring and mumbling "Look how great I could have looked".
Then I rustled back to the bedroom and took the dress off. WITHOUT UNZIPPING IT.
I'm messed up. It's shallow. But I just keep thinking I didn't do my best, yanno? I could have looked better. I could have lost weight BEFORE I got married. I could have tried harder to look good.
I could have been beautiful.
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