| 2003-04-16 - 7:10 p.m.
Anger Management
I've had better days. Work was just...ugh. The Ass GM likes to play boss when the real boss is out of the office. There's so much favoritism and game playing....just ugh. Came home to find the downspout in the back of the house was messed up again. As it is, we are growing mushrooms in the basement (really). There's a slight dampness problem. (HA. Understatement) So there's a storm coming in, and the downspout is in such a condition as to direct all the rainwater DIRECTLY into the basement. I'm pissed. I'm rummaging through the shed, trying to cobble something together before the storm starts. Nothing is working. I'm getting madder and madder. At one point, I had to stop myself from tearing the downspout off the house. Husband drives up (he stopped at the grocery on the way home), and I. Went. Off. Just lost it. I'm slamming the shed doors and throwing downspout pieces and connections around. "A million pieces and parts in the shed, and I can't fix it so we don't get water in our goddamn basement! I am furious. I am going in the house now." SLAM. In my fury, I went downstairs to start laundry. Whatever. I hate when I lose it like that. There's no good reason. I think it's all of the little frustrations of the day piling up. The frustrations where I can't cuss someone out, or slam a door, or walk out. I just have to take it and take it and say "Oh, that's fine. Please, sir, may I have some more". I apologized to my dear, sweet, husband, who just soothed me by rubbing my back before he left to get us some dinner. I don't deserve him, that's for sure. I feel like a poseur. Like people only pretend to like me. That I'm really too horrible a person to be liked. Work is just such an interpersonal mine field most days that navigation is exhausting. And I come home all hateful, and feel like I'm a failure as a person. I have a headache.
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