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Who ARE these people?

2003-04-13 - 12:25 p.m.
An Open Letter to the New Neighbors

Greetings New Neighbors!

I'm sure there were many of us on our little street here in Anytown who were a little concerned when the sign on the cute yellow house said "for lease only". We like living where people actually live where they own. It tends to make people better neighbors.

It appears that you are a group of young men who have leased this cute house. Here are some pointers:

In case you hadn't noticed, most people park their cars in their driveways. Yes, we know, they are old fashioned, narrow driveways, and someone is always getting parked in. Too bad. Deal and move your cars. Don't put them in front of other people's houses.

Also, you live in a house in a residential neighborhood, not a fraternity house on a college campus. Playing basketball in the driveway at midnight is not acceptable. In fact, your incessant hoop shooting is...well...annoying. Perhaps you might venture across the street to the lovely and well equipped park for a few games now and then.

Ditto for the late night whooping and hollering. Houses are very close together. Please be a little respectful.

If you're old enough to rent a house, you're old enough to act like grownups. Please do so. Why young men act like overgrown seven year olds is beyond me.

In short, take a look at the climate that ALREADY exists on this street, and try to emulate it. Try to follow the example that's already been set, instead of turning this into a "college neighborhood" and lowering the property values for everyone except someone who wants to overinflate rents for mommys and daddys like yours to pay so spoiled babies like you don't have to live in icky old dorms.

Thanks ever so.

1 comments so far
LA - 2003-04-13 16:28:23
Mike and I watched a couple testosterone laden flicks recently ("Point Break" for instance) and we noticed a lot of "Whoo!" Every other scene in these macho films was of guys doing inane X Game physical shit (surfing, jumping off high stuff, skateboarding, etc) and going, "Whooo!" Poor you having to live with "Whoo!" types for neighbors. I suggest making a Welcome Wagon call. Dress in your most matronly Mom type outfit, grab whoever answers the door by the nose, twist said nose 180* and yell, "WHOOO!" When you have the boy's complete attention, kindly but firmly tell him you and the rest of the street are suffering from testosterone poisoning and will be over at least 6 times daily to administer similar "Whoo!" treatments until you are cured and cease to be re-infected by midnight b-ball and loud keggers. ~LA
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