| 2003-04-13 - 8:17 a.m.
Sociological observation
Whee. Fund drive: OVER. Goal: MET. Happy dance all around. Yesterday was....interesting. Husband and I spent a couple of hours in the circle of hell known as a child's birthday party. It was at a Chuck E type place....we had fun...played some air hockey and skee ball. I know, for a non kid person like me, it's not exactly high on my list of places to want to be. But it's ok... It was our nephew's party, I like the in-laws, and we don't see them enough. So really, I can handle a couple of hours. Besides, Birthday Boy and his little sister are just too cute for words. BUT. Lemme tell ya, mommies are NOT NICE to you at all if you don't have a kid. Even Husband noticed this. (and he's not NEARLY as bitter and hateful as I am) I was being pleasant, and friendly, and even trying small talk. NOT ONE mommy introduced herself to me. NOT ONE mommy even BEGAN an exchange of small talk with me. I was almost invisible. I'm not expecting fawning, I'm expecting as much politeness as one would have for someone next to you in line at the supermarket. I felt like saying "Hey. I'm the kid's aunt. I'm allowed here!". This is not the first time I've been completely blown off by the mommiez. It's happened at neighborhood parties too. Really....what is UP with that? I'm such a non person that they can't even be POLITE? I said to Husband that I didn't know what was worse....the assumption that because I'm a woman I'll automatically "have a way with kids", or that because I don't have kids I'm an evil dangerous person who must not even be acknowledged. Now...some observations from watching the alien life forms: Birthday parties for small children are bacchinalia (sp?) like you wouldn't believe. Pizza, ice cream, cake, favors, arcade games. Parents don't drop off kids at the party any more. Each kid had one, most had two parents, who stayed at the party. (In my day,the early pleistocene, mom dropped me off at the party house and came back for me two hours later) Kids CAN behave. There were probably 20 kids at this thing.Yeah, they were kind of rowdy and pumped, but that was appropriate for the venue. There were no crack monkeys in this bunch, even after cake and ice cream. So I don't buy ANY excuses from the parent of said crack monkeys who can't control their spawn. It really IS similar to some bizzare form of child worship. All the kids sat at the table, and all the adults circled the table,taking pictures of the kids' every move. There's just so much going through my head...I can't even process it all. It really was like visiting another planet. A planet I have no desire to move to. It's the planet of follow the script suburbia. And really...everyone seemed like "nice people", but they didn't seem....interesting? There isn't really a good way to describe the thoughts going through my brain about the whole thing without someone reading it and thinking I am A Horrible Person. But I really am trying to process this. First, it's so different from when I was a kid....I had ONE birthday party when I was growing up. A roller skating party at Roller Dome for my 12th birthday. And I wasn't some deprived kid....birthdays were not "Christmas, Part Deux". We'd get something from the parents, something from the grandparents. That was it. What kind of a world is it when four adults are needed to carry a four year old's presents out to the car? How do you teach a kid any kind of....perspective? Grounding? How do they not become consumed with some kind of idea of entitlement? Husband pointed out another interesting aspect to it all....the whole reciprocity thing. "OK, Sklyee's gift was worth 25 dollars, so when we go to her party, we need to spend that much, or more". "Wow, Hunter brought a 10 dollar gift. Better keep that in mind". NOT as some kind of exercise in being mercenary, but as a way of fulfilling social obligations. Another thing we wondered about....how much of this is for the kids, and how much for the parents? The kids were kind of...."eh". I mean, they had fun, but it looked more like another orchestrated activity for the parents' benefit. I think there's a part of me that is a little...confused as to why the kids at the party scene didn't stir up all sorts of maternal thoughts. Shouldn't my biological clock have started clanging? Shouldn't I be wistful that that'll never be me? Shouldn't I WANT THAT? Because I didn't. Not for a minute. Not for real. Oh, sure, I did want it from the perspective of "It sure would be nice for once to be like everyone else and not some big freaky outsider". But that's not real longing. That's copping out. That's following The Script because it's easier, not because The Script is what you really want. I wonder how many people in that room were following the path of least resistence, and not the path of their heart? Finally, Husband and I agreed if we hadn't already had him snipped, we would have cemented our decision with that party. I pointed out on the ride home, even if we DID have kids, we'd be FreakParents, not doing the typical suburbs thing, not having big parties, we'd require the kid to go to bed at 8 every night, and we'd generally be Big Mean Parents. So it's probably better that we won't be inflicting our Stone Age parenting ideals on a kid. Besides, the mommies probably still wouldn't want to talk to me....
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