| 2002-11-17 - 5:52 p.m.
Sunday ALREADY?!?!?
OK, so, it's been two days with no phone calls and no emergency runs to the godforsaken radio station. And I am feeling less depressed. Methinks the job has something to do with my wishing to be....well...you know.....no longer here. Because I guess I feel like the only way I'll get out of that job is to be dead. I can't quit and be housewife, as much as I think I'd like that, because we can't, at this point, live on just husband's salary. Perhaps after I have paid off much of my huge ass credit card bills. But that won't be for YEARS. Seriously. I was still very, very glum yesterday morning. Interestingly, by afternoon, I was feeling better, and today feel better still. I'm sure that will be dashed as I walk across the parking lot at work tomorrow. I DO know my body clock is completely fucked up. I start feeling energized in the afternoon, and don't want to sleep till 1 or so in the morning....and then I CERTAINLY don't want to get up! Yesterday morning, I was all set to call the doctor first thing tomorrow morning...now, since I am feeling better, I am not so sure. I suppose that's a problem with depression....you feel a little better and think "eh, why bother the doctor with this?" We'll see. Despite being rather slug like this weekend, the laundry is done, the living room tidied (Husband vacuumed), and I've made goulash for dinner. So it wasn't a total loss. Church today was a real upper. NOT. The sermon was all about how The End Is Near. Whatever. This church thing is REALLY something I do for Husband, because of the eighty bazillion things he does for me. If god wants to speak to my heart, he knows where to find me most Sunday mornings. And I haven't felt any spirit move me, haven't felt any great peace. Just more questions. Like, for instance....the whole "who gets into heaven" thing. They tell us everyone who believes gets forgiven and into heaven. OK, but, for Husband, heaven wouldn't be so heavenly if I wasn't there. So...doesn't that mean I'd be there, to make it heaven for him? I know. I don't make a good church goer.
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