| 2002-11-16 - 10:03 a.m.
outta gas
I have become hopelessly addicted to a silly game on pogo.com. Tumble bees. You spell words and spin for tokens. You could win the jackpot. Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, it's a great escape, I guess. Even if my right hand begins to go numb. It snowed here. And stuck. Yeah, that does a lot to improve my mood. Had a brief talk with the boss while I was on the way out the door last night. Drama Queen has decided to take two weeks off in December. Yeah, the two weeks between Christmas and New Year's. In case you hadn't noticed, radio stations don't just shut down over the holidays. We actually DO automate all of Christmas day, so no one has to come in....but other than that, it's business as usual. Personally, I'm pissed at her about it. Because it's a giant "well, screw the rest of you, this is what I'm doing" gesture. She does the fucking MORNINGS, only our most highly listened to time of the day. So not only do the REST of us not get to take any appreciable time off, we also have to do our jobs and hers. Anyway....the boss tells me the board has told him "the president of the bank shouldn't be a teller". Meaning, that he shouldn't fill in for the morning show. OKaaay. That leaves Tiny Shorts and me. TS would do it, but he kind of sucks at it. We don't want to drive people away. So. Golly gee willikers, looks like *I* get to do it. FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK. Fuckity fuck fuck. I don't have any more reserves. I don't have any more extra mile in me. I don't. I am thisclose to staring catatonically at the wall. I carried over TEN FUCKING VACATION DAYS into this year. TEN. Is there something wrong with that picture? I took off eight working days to get married and have a honeymoon. Other than that, it's a day here, a day there, oh, maybe I'll take that holiday I worked and make a three day weekend. And THEN, Tiny Shorts tells me he'll be gone the same two weeks as the part timer who fills in for vacationers. FUCK again. That happened last spring, when I caught a horrible flu and couldn't even take a goddamn sick day because we were so short handed. I'm at a loss. If I were to start taking prozac tomorrow, it wouldn't have kicked in by the time this holiday shit rolls around. I just feel so tenuous. Like my grasp on reality could just go in an instant. My poor husband. He's never experienced this (thank god), and all he wants is for me to be happy. Little does he know I'm convinced at this point that I am incapable of being happy. I'm just capable of being....less unhappy.
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