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2002-04-12 - 7:28 p.m.
Things and religion

Let's see, where did we last leave our heroine? It was one of those same ol' same ol' weeks, I do believe.

Not much to report. Beloved and I both had busy weeks at work. My cube is disgustingly dirty. Part of the problem is that I get all these books from publishers who want their authors interviewed, and I have nowhere to put the books. So they are piled everywhere and it looks like a trash heap. My non existent housekeeping skills don't help.

The past two days have had gorgeous weather....and I say that even though there's a thunderstorm moving through the area right now. I love storms. I love that it's finally getting warm. My teeny tiny lilac bush looks like it made it through the winter. YAY!

Called a realtor about Beloved's house. We are meeting with her next Wednesday. We want to find out what MUST be done before it's sold, and what we shouldn't bother with.

Talked with my boss this evening about my recent work epiphany. I told him I've got the workload into a manageable routine, but what really bothers me is that when stuff goes wrong, people just stand around and say "stuff is going wrong", and I have to be ultimately responsible for everything. He understood, and we talked about cross training more people, so that when there's the inevitable screw up, other people know what to do to fix it.

I'm afraid this flu cold thing I have is morphing into a sinus infection. But I've never had one, so I can't be sure. All I know is that my upper jaw is beginning to ache, and there's some interesting stuff coming out of my nose. Yeah, yeah, I know, TMI, TMI. Sorry.

Beloved and I are going to get his bike this weekend. I need to fix mine (flat tire), and perhaps we can go riding. I tell myself that once the weather finally turns nice, I can ride in the mornings before work. If I ride a few times a week all summer, it'll help me look a little less like Marshmallow Bride, right?

OK, so I was doing some ruminating on the whole church thing. We've been going to church for a few months now....this is the most churchgoing I've ever done in my life. It's a Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod. Meaning Extremely Conservative. It's all about how we suck, but Jesus died for us, even though we suck, and we didn't deserve his love. A real upper. But here's what I've been thinking about....the services are very nice, a lovely ritual, but they are.....removed from actual life. I wish the sermons would talk about stuff that would help me deal with my life NOW, not talk about how I need to believe The Right Things so that someday I can go to heaven. I want comfort for NOW. I want to understand why the world just sucks. And "because they are all sinners following the devil" doesn't wash. I want to know how to cope with the bad stuff, and the good.

I'm rambling. I don't make sense, I know. I like the ritual, the liturgy, the music. But it's not reaching me. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

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