| 2002-02-14 - 8:48 a.m.
Hypochondria
It's official. I'm off the deep end. I've turned hypochondriac. I'm convinced that the pain in my gut (90+% sure it's just from my IBS) is some horrid tumor, and that my weeklong headache/neck pain isn't from stress or a pinched nerve, but from yet another tumor. And oh yeah, that canker sore is really tongue cancer.... Why, I'm just SURE I'm nothing but tumors! That must be why I'm so exhausted! I need to get a grip. I'm in lousy shape, and stressed to the max...of course I feel crappy! I do have a checkup on Monday, so I will bring my concerns up with my doctor, if only to have the reassurance of her laughing at me and telling me to quit being such an old lady about things! I promised myself that when I had a ring and a date, I'd go back to some form of low carbing (the only thing that ever helped me take off any weight) and lose some weight for the wedding. But I can't find that switch in me that I found a few years ago when I did it. I did GREAT for six months...then I moved, and my routine went to hell, and with it my diet. There's a GREAT park across the street from my house..golf course, paths for walking/biking. Do I use it? No. I fart around on the computer for an hour every morning before I go to work, but I can't be bothered to take a walk. I'm a slug. Skating practice this morning was a butt kicker...and the people on the team who are in good shape were feeling it....if I could do THAT three times a week, I'd be in pretty good shape. Heck, I do it once a week....why can't I find something to do two more times a week? AGGGH. You know how there are some people who feel good when they exercise? All energetic and peppy? Not me. I've never EVER been like that. All I feel is more tired. I always wait for the endorphins to kick in and make me feel great, and they never do. I just feel tired and sore. And still fat. Have been toying with the idea of joining the Y...the facilities are GREAT, but I don't have the cash. I'm due a tax refund (that's what happens when you're early in a mortgage...all I pay is interest!), and thought I might use some of that to join up. It's close to where I work, close to Beloved's house....if I could just be sure I'd make myself go. I really must do something about the Lunch Lady Arms, that's for sure. I think I need tricep curls from now until doomsday. Well...now I've really convinced myself that I'm lazy and worthless! UGH. Naw, it'll be ok. When I'm meant to get a grip, I will.
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