|
recent entry
older entries
recommend
guestbook
contact
profile
host
design
I Read These:
loriville
trancejen
la-the-sage
Ladyloo
pandionna
chelonia
radiogurl
marn
wistful-blue
lorster
Who ARE these people?
| 2001-12-04 - 10:34 p.m.
My sister
OK, so I think I'm peeved at my sister. Every time we communicate, which is infrequently, and via IM, and the subject turns to my Beloved and me, it turns ugly. "When are you getting married?" "Well, if you don't have a date set, you aren't going to get married. Why won't he marry you?" It's like she has this vision of me as some pathetic cat woman who is in some kind of semi abusive relationship because she thinks that's all she can get. Seriously...you should see the stuff she writes to me. Look, no one is more ready to set the date than I am. But GEEZE....do I want someone who is not ONE HUNDRED PERCENT READY to make that committment? Hell no. Once I get that ring, he's not getting it back, so he'd better be damn good and sure when he asks me. Why is my family (yeah, parents too) such butts about this whole thing? I mean really.....it's not like we are going to have kids....so what would be wrong with us deciding to date forever? (Theoretically, of course....*I* don't want that) I'm tired of this idea that he is weasely and won't commit to me. And I'm getting furiously pissed at my sister, who hasn't had a real relationship EVER in her 31 years. She has some psycho weirdo thing going with this guy she's known since high school, but all they do is flit around the edges of relationshipdom, never really trying for anything real. But did I say the hurtful stuff I was thinking? Noooooo. I sat on my hands and just let her tell me that my Beloved is a weasel, that he won't commit to me, and what's wrong with him anyway. She doesn't see how he loves me. She doesn't see how he acts toward me. She doesn't know that he did the hardest thing in the world in telling his ex, and that he did it FOR ME. She would just criticize him for being in that situation in the first place. Well ya know what? No one is perfect. We all have baggage. And when the rubber hit the road, and it was important to me, I told him what was what as far as I was concerned. C'mon. The man will go out at 10:30 at night to get me a burrito. If my family sat down and made a list of what I should have in a man, I can't see where Beloved would fall short. OK, he's not rich. But that's so not important. He loves me. He doesn't drink or take drugs, he doesn't cheat on me or hit me. We laugh together, we're intellectual matches, we have the same values. We agree on the big issues of a relationship. So why can't they ALL be more excited about this? Why do they have to be so fucking skeptical all the time. I have enough trouble with the voices in MY head making me insecure....I don't need them telling me "yeah, he's not gonna marry you". (The subtext of THAT being "you dn't deserve it") I NEED them to say "be patient, it'll happen". And I toyed with sending my sister an email telling her some of this stuff. But all she'd do is write back telling me "I don't know why you're so paranoid. That's not what I meant". Shit. Here I am, almost 35 years old, dealing with sibling rivalry. (Yeah, it hurt my feelings when my mom said "we're not really going to have Christmas, since (your sister) won't be coming home". Why, thanks, mom. I, your daughter Chopped Liver, really appreciate that sentiment.) Why do parents have favorite kids? They'll deny it, of course, but in every family, there's a kid who is The Annointed One, and there are.....the rest. Little Miss Glamorous Life in San Fran is just the angel.... Co-worker J explained it like a system....the family is a system that works a certain way, and if one of the members isn't the way everyone thinks he or she is, it freaks everything out....they treat you as the person they THINK you are, not as the person you really are. Boy. This is SO not making sense. My family is just SO critical. Of course, they would deny it, but everything is a jab, a criticism, a "suggestion" for how to do it "better". Even my relationship, I guess. Argh.
0 comments so far
|