| 2001-11-12 - 12:48 a.m.
Worry Wart
This worrying HAS to stop. Must. I't not doing a damn bit of good. I know that, yet I can't stop stewing. And yes, I realize my all boyfriend all the time ramblings are probably getting boring...but this journal is supposed to be therapy for me--any entertainment factors are strictly bonus. I'm stewing about my relationship. I'm stewing about whether his parents like me. I'm stewing about making friends with his sisters. Gah. I read once, in Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift Of Fear, that we worry because it makes us think that we are actually "doing something", but in reality, it's a big waste of time and energy, because unless the worry spurs us to take some kind of action to change a situation, it means nothing. I told him tonight that I worry. He told me to stop, there's nothing to worry about...then I explained my theory....if I'm too happy and secure, The Fates hear about it and ruin it. So I guess my constant worry that something will go wrong is my reverse psychology way of dealing with The Fates. Hmm. Maybe I need actual therapy that I pay for, instead of this diary. He came over this evening and we went for dinner at a nearby Mexican joint. It really is a joint...we were the only people speaking English in the place. But the food is cheap and good. Then we came back and watched Band of Brothers. After he left, I played with the html on this site, and promptly fucked it up...sorry. I guess I will have to find a Dummies book that covers it.... Now I am up way too late, eating way too much junk, and my brain is making me nuts. I wish I could shut it off.
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