|
recent entry
older entries
recommend
guestbook
contact
profile
host
design
I Read These:
loriville
trancejen
la-the-sage
Ladyloo
pandionna
chelonia
radiogurl
marn
wistful-blue
lorster
Who ARE these people?
| 2001-11-11 - 5:45 p.m.
Mean God
This God thing is going to be harder than I thought it would be. At least, the LCMS flavor of it. Went to church with the Beloved and his parents this morning. And while two weeks in a row may be too small a sample from which to draw an accurate conclusion, all I can think is "what a downer". It's all about the pie in the sky God. What I'm taking from the services is "We are bad. We try, but we sin and are bad, but God loves us despite the fact that we suck". As to the pie in the sky part....I'm hearing "You suck, but if you play by our rules, and you're lucky, after this sucky, hard time on earth is over, THEN you get to be happy in heaven." And I have to say, it doesn't do a lot for one's self uhsteeem. Besides which, I can't believe a creator would create a mortal world in which we WEREN'T supposed to be happy. I mean, what's the point? And how is this "mean God" a comfort to people? So. Thank whatever diety there won't be kids with the Beloved, so we won't have The Religion Fight. It's important to the Beloved that we be married in his brand of church, so I can go along on this one. However, as I have already told him, I'm not converting to anything...my reason being I don't believe in anything strongly enough to do so. I will go to services with him because it is important for him, and, since that will make it easier to find a church to marry us, it's important to me. If that makes any sense. But this diary might be the recipient of a lot of post church "what the HELL??!?!" postings. What else? Went to breakfast with his parents, where I promptly spilled jam on my sweater. Classy. They are very nice, really. His mom and sisters are into scrapbooking (Beloved calls it a cult), and I spent some time with her looking at some family scrapbooks. It wasn't boring...I love doing that...seeing people when they were younger, seeing family resemblences, etc. She and I chatted about how Beloved's parents met and got married, and it was nice. I really want them to like me...Beloved says they do, but I'm kind of insecure. I just try to remember to say please and thank you when I'm around them. I don't think he's mentioned that we're talking about getting married....she introduced me to someone at church as his "friend". There really needs to be a word between "girlfriend" and "fiancee". Girlfriend is so...so...high school. Was very tired and slightly out of sorts when we got back around 3ish. Tired because in order to make this trip, we had to get up EARLY. Out of sorts because....I don't really know. I mean, I HATE Sundays....always have, even in school. So that makes me cranky. But I think my general impatience is making me grouchy. Plus, sometimes our weekend routine just....annoys me. I mean, I feel like we should be at the point where we're practically living together on the weekend, not spending the days alone and meeting for our "date" in the evening. I'm also getting annoyed that we only spend nights together on the weekend. Actually, I've been annoyed about that for awhile. And I want more "special" time, whatever that means. Sometimes it feels like we're spending time in the same room, but not "together", you know? Like last night, we were at my parents' house, then we came home, watched tv, and fell asleep. Then we got up, he went home for his church clothes, and our day with his parents started. I guess the Leo in me needs a litte more adoration..... >>>>sigh<<<< There is no pleasing me, is there? Anyway, I got home, put on the cow jammies and went to bed...I think I napped for an hour or so, and feel lots better now. Thankfully, I managed to avoid that hellish "go to sleep in the light, wake up in the dark" nap. Those are BAD. Beloved is coming over in awhile, and we'll decide on dinner, then watch Band of Brothers. Then it's Monday. Gack.
0 comments so far
|