| 2001-11-02 - 9:08 a.m.
Stewing
Not much going on. Raining here. OH yay. Midwest in the fall, whaddya expect? Nothing going on with The Beloved, either. We IMd a bit yesterday at work, but that was it. Here's a handy safety tip, at least for guys in my life: If I am pissed off, and you would like me un-pissed, unless I specifically tell you to leave me alone, it would behoove you to make some extra effort to be in contact with me, and to be a little extra nice. Ok, if you have to call it that--- grovelling COULD be the word for it. Usual routine for Friday is to hang out at my place. I'm not sure what's going to happen tonight. Dear friend J, who is very wise about such things, suggests I just do the normal thing for Friday, being VERY happy, and saying that I am VERY happy because I know he is going to tell her tomorrow, and that makes me just SO pleased. Another person says "Can you let this go? You can't MAKE him do this" I like that advice the least. He has FUBARd this to the extent that he needs to choose. And yet another person tells me to rent videos and tell him he's on his own tonight. I don't think I can do that. I don't think I have the guts for it. No, I'm sure I'll be a little more dramatic, and will probably discuss things to death this evening....that's my style. But as time goes on, I get more and more pissed off. I mean, if anyone else had told me this situation, I'd tell them the guy was a cheating dog, and they needed to dump him now. But this isn't that situation. I know there is no hankus pankus. BUT....what IS cheating? The longer I stew over this, the closer it gets. Bottom line: seeing ex and not telling current. Now, without all the qualifiers and extenuating circumstances of my particular relationship, that is pretty fishy sounding. Now, I know Beloved's mind well enough to know what was going through it when he did this. He was trying not to piss me off, and trying to keep himself from getting "in trouble". Hmmmm. Flaw in plan. I'm mad and he's in trouble. Time for a new plan to get off the island, Gilligan. Is this a man thing? The women I talk with all admit there are, from time to time, sneakiness issues in their relationships. The men are like kids with cookies behind their backs and crumbs on their mouths, saying "cookies? what cookies?" Here's another handy safety tip: MEN: We women are NOT stupid. If you think you're sparing us or yourselves by "omitting" the truth, just know it ain't gonna work. We WILL find out, and you will be in FAR worse trouble than if you'd just said "Here's the thing......". Would Beloved be in less trouble if he'd said "I'm gonna stop and see the dog on the way back"? Yeah. I still wouldn't have been happy, but I wouldn't have been as pissed as I am now. Perspective. I need perspective. This is oveshadowing all the good stuff right now, and there is lots of good stuff. I need to chill until tomorrow evening, when he comes back from the game, because there is nothing I can do about the situation. (and yes, for a control freak like me, that is the hardest part) And if he arrives on my doorstep without the magic words, then I guess he gets to jolly well turn around and go home. I'm so scared this isn't going to work out. Seriously, this is the ONLY thing we've had weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth arguments about. We agree about how we should handle our money, about not having kids, about the big moral issues in life. THIS ONE THING has been the root of ALL the big blow ups we've had. Damn. This gets fixed, and we are set. I'm sure I'll have more brain droppings later.
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