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2001-10-18 - 9:34 a.m.
Anticipation

OK, so is talking about/thinking about/preliminarily planning a wedding before there's an actual ring and date a bad thing, likely to jinx the whole process? You know, like talking to a baseball pitcher about the no hitter he has going. I'm kinda scared to be doing the web surfing and thinking and magazine reading that I'm doing, because in life, I don't like to count on ANYTHING until it's a done deal.

Trust issuses, party of one?

So The Beloved and I were talking Tuesday night. And he is more comfortable with the whole marriage idea than I have ever seen him. We've been talking about it a lot lately, and he's been much more.....concrete....about things than ever before. He even said he's been thinking about how to propose, about getting the ring etc, etc. I told him he has the easy job, since he KNOWS what my answer will be. If I was interpreting his manspeak correctly the other night, it looks like I might have an event to plan for next fall.

I know, I sound disgustingly 1950s, all about "trapping" my man, but it's not like that. I've known for at least a year that this is the man I want to be with forever. I mean, I know it like I know my house is yellow and my car is green. It's just a law of nature. Not a doubt in my mind. Now, that in and of itself is scary. I've just been waiting for him to "catch up" with me. And I think he finally is. Last week, the week of "Old Married Couple" was important, I think, in that process for him. For me, it was just reaffirming what I already knew, but I think for him, it really did open his eyes about things. He said being with me just feels so right, so easy. And that's exactly how I feel. He is my family. Yeah, we're gonna argue, and we have issues. But bottom line is we can work things out. We don't bicker like some couples. We don't belittle each other. Neither one of us has some overwhelming need to be "right" when we discuss issues.

So. I've been thinking about wedding stuff. And yes, I'm gonna be girly. Girly, but not princessy. My family has kick ass fun wedding receptions, and I plan to continue the tradition. It's not about being the princess for a day. It's about standing up in front of god and everybody, as my friend R says, and saying "THIS is the man I am spending my life with, and I couldn't be happier". Then celebrating by dancing our asses off.

Oh yeah. I guess I gotta wait for him to ask, don't I? Ugggghhhh. That patience thing rearing it's head again......

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