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| 2001-08-22 - 11:40 p.m.
Nuts..enn vee tee ess Nuts
I am completely nuts. My poor Beloved. I freak out, and he just keeps loving me. He's a better man than I. I spent this evening wigging out. Just lying there next to him, wigging. I mean, making up actual scenarios in my head, out of whole cloth. We talked about it, and I was able to conclude that for some bizzaro reason, I'm afraid to just give in to the happiness. It's like I think the fates are hovering around, and will say "ah ah ah, she's too happy....we must have a wall of her house cave in or something". TOTALLY screwed, I know. He loves me. I know he does. (good lord, he must to put up with my weirdness)I just can't relax in that love. Raining a lot here tonight. BIG storm earlier, now just a few rumbles and steady rain. Basement only a little damp, which is ok, considering the rainfall. It's romantic rain and thunder. I miss the Beloved, and wish I was snuggling with him all night.
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